Why Jenifer and I aren't gonna sit on your face

Stolen from the personal files of Amber-Bamber

Thursday night I went out with my new friend Jenifer. Yes -- one "N."Jenifer is one of those people you're instantly drawn to. She's graceful, witty, a good eye-contact maker. And she's confident. As much as I want to go on about how cool Jen is, she's still a new friend and I don't want to freak her out too much.

Yet.

I'm also tempted to blog here about how inadequate a friend-date I was Thursday.

For example, I barfed in Jenifer's sink.

Oh, that and my card was rejected at the restaurant. Apparently a check hadn't cleared yet, or some such nonsense.

Major jerk (fingers pointing to self).

Anyway, I'm not going to feast on my many imperfections in this blog. I'll save that for later. Like in a few minutes, when I hit my mattress.

But I will say that hanging with Jenifer was a night well spent.

I owe her dinner and a new sink.

And I hope she'll have me over again. So I can bring her dinner. And a new sink.

Anyway, before I puked, Jen and I got on the topic of sitting on your face.

No, not your face, you pervert.

Just "your" face like "your" face.

Apparently we don't "do" sitting on faces.

"Face-sitting" is not for us. We are not "face-sitters." Anymore at least.

Now, you (again, by "you" I don't mean "you") may have known us as "face-sitters" in the past.

But we aren't anymore.

Sorry.

Don't get me wrong....

Jen and I love oral.

And we decided Thursday night most women love oral. And if they don't, there's probably something pathologically "off" about them and they should be further investigated.

But as much as we love oral, Jen and I also decided, based on empirical findings, that "face-sitting" is not necessarily what we want to do.

For many reasons:

1) We are afraid we are going to kill you.
2) We don't like the strain of the legs it takes to avoid killing you.
3) We don't like that angle of our bodies from your (no, not your. "Your.") POV.
4) It's not really easy to "get anywhere" this way. For real. For real.
5) I feel like we had a few other reasons here.

Basically, Jen and I feel it's a bit of a cop out and we know your ("your") neck hurts when we're on our backs.

But it's significantly more comfortable. For us. Physically and in the head.

Because again, we don't want to kill you ("you") and we don't want to have to think about the possibility of killing you ("you") during this precious time.

Oh, also Jen said that "come sit on my face" is too porn.

I wouldn't know, because I haven't seen porn. Don't laugh! That's not a funny tidbit. It's an enduring one.
But I think I know what goes down in porn, generally, and I subscribe to Jen's observation. Yes, I just typed "goes down."

So, this was our brilliant conclusion at one in the morning on Friday.

It was a mutual realization that followed less important talk about love, travel and work.

And a mutual realization that preceded my barfing in Jen's sink.
This window of time between the bar and the sink was full of pure wisdom.

Thought I'd pass the information along.