Sunday, January 27, 2008

ConguGalz

I am not sure the proper adjectives exist to describe this business. It matches life-sentence women in prison with men on the outside looking for... um, love? It's like a twisted, interactive, pornographic movie.

Here are just three of the 4,000 different jailhouse girls who are eager and itching to tie the knot.

Let's meet the bachelorettes, shall we? Our first prospect loves children, is interested in politics, and looks great in orange.

Name: Scrappy4Life
Age: 20
State: California



Convictions: two counts premedicated murder on my sister kids I used to wash.

Favorite hobbies in prison: I'm active in the "political system" in here and tho I'm young I'm moving up the ranks of the strongest gang in here.

Why I deserve another chance: I deserve a husband because I deserve kids and we're allowed to have them if it's with a husband. I'm good with kids usually except that one time and I could be the best locked up mommy in the world.


Thanks Scrappy! I understand most premedicated murders happen at wash time.


Our next little lady enjoys collecting autographed pictures, religious services, and still has a few tricks up her prison jumpsuit.

Name: Stabberella
Age: 23
State: California



Convictions: Trespassing, soliciting, prostitution, drug possession and then my three strikes was all armed robbery whateva.

Favorite hobbies in prison: I like movie night and I always write letters to stars. Sometimes I get autographed pictures or letters back and I collect them.

Why I deserve another chance: A few years ago this pastor started coming in to preach the gospel and ever since then my life has changed. He's so smart and so hot I think of nothing but having his pious face buried in my mangy minge, even if all he ever does is blab on about God. You marry me and I'll dream of you instead and we can be together all the time I'm allowed. My streetwalking days make me mushy but so skilled you won't know it and the difference experience brings will make you insane with lust once you've had a taste of me.

She's got quite a way with words, huh, fellas?

Last, but not least, is a feisty brunette who enjoys gardening and poetry. I wonder where she got her cute lil nickname?

Name: Fisty
Age: 25
State: Mississippi

Convictions: Rape, assault with a deadly weapon and rape again. Only takes three for life and threes a crowd.

Favorite hobbies in prison: I do protection in here and I also like to read and do some poetry. I have a job in the garden and I like that it's nice.

Why I deserve another chance: You've never known what a freak is until you meet a woman who has thought of nothing but sex for fifteen years without getting any. Give me this chance and your mind will be the first thing I blow but not the last.



Good luck to all of you spunky jailbirds.

See all the eligible bachelorettes and their heartwarming histories here at http://conjugalharmony.com/browse.html

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